Blended families...mid life...

We had a great visitor this week in class…Sister Williams. We learned a bit more about some of the challenges of a blended family. It was fun to hear from real life experience and to see such a happy ending! We also learned the factors that can lead to divorce and the risks. Brother Williams mentioned that in his experience about 70% of the people that had gotten a divorce wished they would have worked it out and stayed in the marriage. Things are not always greener! We then moved into the later years in life and what can come with mid-life. This is a bit close to home as I am considered in this very range. I don’t think it is as bad as the class made it seem. I almost left crying because getting old sounded so hard! That just brings me back to my theory…Things are usually harder thinking about them than just doing it! Great class! Loved learning more about family systems!

Parenting

We learned so many interesting parenting techniques this week. I have been applying some of what I learned in class at home and I really think they could be on to some great ideas. I think my favorite parenting idea this week is... to simply ask politely what I would like done be specific with my request and polite. Follow up when needed with "I" messages and firm direction. Although it seems really simple at times it is easier for me just to pick things up or overlook something until it may become an issue. I need to work on direct communication and follow up! I even enjoyed the video clips. To learn more and learn what type of parenting style you might have go to activeparenting.com

Oh what a great week of family and celebration! We were asked to research and turn in a paper on Fatherhood. I was really amazed at all the data that confirmed the importance of having a father in the home. A Father that is actively involved in the life of his child can make an unmeasurable difference. Some of the benefits included: more self esteem, better in school, better health, more willing to participate in extra curricular activities....oh the list goes on and on. I found my stat's on the website Fatherhood.org. I am so grateful that I had a great Dad and that I am married to a wonderful Father to our children. We have been taught by our Church leaders the great impact a Father that honors his priesthood and presides with love and kindness in the home. A talk given Elder Faust has some great advise on how I can be a better support in the home of my husband he taught "In order to strengthen the father in the home, I make two simple suggestions: first, sustain and respect the father in his position; second, give him love, understanding, and some appreciation for his efforts."

Communication...studies show that we communicate more with our actions than our words. In fact our actions are speaking so loudly some might not even hear our words. How do we communicate? 14% is communicated by words, 35% by tone and 51% by our actions or Non-verbally. How does this apply to family and marriage? Different families communicate in different ways. However, kindness is universal. The following is a list of ideas on how better to communicate in a family:
Be a good listener.

Accept other members of the family as they are.

Confide in parents and other family members.

Care about the interests of other family members.

Be affectionate.

Give sincere compliments and approval.

Keep confidences shared with you.

Help to create a good environment for communication.

lds.org

This week I am going to a better communicator. I am going to begin with giving sincere compliments and approval. I will make an effort to have my actions and my words communicate what I am trying to say.

Crisis Week

We talked about family crisis and stresses that can occur within a family structure. I have seen and been through some of the stresses we discussed in class. Crisis (the word) has many meanings but Brother Williams brought up the fact that in the Chinese culture the symbols for the word Crisis show the symbol for danger and opportunity together. What does that mean, danger and opportunity together meaning crisis. For me, it means that everyone is going to have an opportunity for many crisis' in their lifetime. Some are going to encounter serious heartbreaking problems that can crumble the family, others depending on how they handle, think and respond to the crisis will pull through better people. This however is easy to sit and write about, to actually be in the middle and see the light is a skill or blessing that one prays to obtain. I believe that some troubles we are only able to bare with the help of the Holy Ghost, or divine help. I know that our Heavenly Father loves us, I know that as his children he will help us. I look at some families and wonder why they have been called to go through such trials. I only know this, I can not understand all of Gods divine plans for us, life is short, it is a testing period for us to show what kind of people we really are, it will be hard and it will seem unfair at times. It is also the most glorious adventure we could imagine, we fought for our short time here. Crisis will come, it can make us strong, gives us perspective and allows the spirit to teach us. I pray for the perspective needed to take the crisis that will come and turn them into an incredible opportunity of learning.

We had a full this week in class...we began by discussing the differences of the male and female in regards to physical arousal. We talked about how the differences can affect a marriage. Just understanding that there are differences can be a start to understanding and enjoying our differences. We then talked about preventing affairs and some of the reasons one might fall into that trap. Making a rule not to be alone with the opposite sex, or even allow yourself to be too comfortable with anyone other than your spouse. We also realized the effects of Facebook and friends and discussed why putting time and efforts into keeping those relationships going could damage a marriage. Lastly we touched on teaching our children and what would be a wise way to teach and discuss this sensitive topic that is such a beautiful part of our Heavenly Fathers plan for us.

We carved pumpkins this week. We teased Jason about making his pumpkin look just like himself! Scary!!

What a great week!! We started with the wedding (proposal) who should propose? Does the proposal determine the marriage...some say yes! Studies show that the first year of marriage can determine the marriage roles and attitudes of the entire marriage. It is important to establish great roles. So much happiness can come from a new baby and so much disappointment if both parents aren't actively involved in caring for the new bundle. Dads time and time again report they feel unappreciated when the new baby comes along. It all goes back to the dating period, how important it is to date and really understand each other before the blessed event.

Week 6

This week we looked at why people cohabitate rather than marry. We looked at studies that show this is not a successful way to build a relation. We learned of reasons why people choose to cohabit and not get married. We talked about successful dating and the reasons people choose their mates. The 3 P's in both dating and marriage. It was fun to learn that studies have shown it takes about 3 months of dating to learn the "real" personality of a person. We talked about the different types of love.

I think an important part of our in class discussion is that Brother Williams doesn't try to solve every problem that is discussed or tell his opinion. He is very respectful and does a great job on his comments back to the students. That to me is a great counselor.
This is a picture my daughters, Hailey, Kassie and Mindy. They helped with my family metaphor project. Our family as a banana split! Thanks guys I love ya!

Week 5

Great week in class. We talked about gender roles and how they applied to the family. How we might see women and men and how the world has a changing view. I love the differences between men and women! I have often thought how thankful I am to be a woman and how grateful to have courageous, strong, kind priesthood holders in the world!
We talked about The Family A Proclamation to the World and Brother Williams suggested that it could be used as a script helping families know their roles.
We jumped into same gender attraction and talked in length about some of the decision that accompany that lifestyle. I have more compassion and understanding than I did before and I am glad I was able to glean from Bro. Williams great insight.
The world has a set of labels we like to sick on people. Who made those rules? Why do we all insist on labels?

This week Brother Williams suggested that even if we are just thinking, and pondering about some of the things we learn...that is a start to understanding! I liked that!

This week we talked about cultures. We also talked about social class and the influences on families in particular. I have always disliked that we as humans put ourselves in class or groups. I understand why we do it, it is comfortable and accepting. The real truth is that social class affects families. Studies show that lower income/educated persons are more likely to have children before marriage, divorce if they do marry and have more partners than those of higher education income counterparts. These studies have shown the unsettling feelings that continue from one generation to the next as these patterns are pasted along.
We also touched on the different cultures within families themselves. We all have rules and patterns in which we have grown to be comfortable with. I liked the in class discussion about Bro. Williams "norms" in his family and then when he married and found a different set of "norms" in his spouse. His examples were funny,however I can see the sadness that can come if you find that a pattern in a spouse is not so funny and lives and expectations are altered. That is why I am so thankful I married an incredibly kind man. Although who can really say what "norm" is, right?!

This is Jason our 14 year old. He is showing off his new football gloves! He is loved in a family of all girls. He and his dad are pretty tight!

Lacey just turned 20 today! Happy Birthday! Lacey is so fun to have in our family. She has been a great example of NOT freaking out and just going with the flow! I love Lacey! I wish her the best year of life yet! She is also so amazingly beautiful!

Nana

Nana is what my grandkids call me. When my first grandson was born the word grandma was hard for him to say, so he started calling me Nana.
Here they are! Ryker is 4, Hope is 2, Saylee is 1, and Hyrum is 1 week old. We are expecting our fifth grandchild to arrive the first of March, and we are so excited! Being a Nana is the greatest!

This week in class we spoke about family theories. I am excited to learn more about families and some of the reasons they re-act and act the way they do. These theories are just that, theories meaning that they will not work for all and all families do not fall into one of these theories.
One of may favorite comments this week was when Katie said "when I change myself for the better it will help any relationship because I can only change me." (or something like that)..It wasn't so much what she said as the determination to be better..I admire that.

This week we had a new addition to our family! Baby Hyrum came straight from Heaven. He is so cute and nice, cause I don't have to get up in the middle of the night with him! I just love him and give him to his Momma! (Kassie our oldest daughter and Jeremy Harris are his proud parents making my husband and I the over-joyed grandparents of 4, thanks guys)

This semester in family relations we have been asked to start a blog and keep it updated weekly. I will be able to read over my posts as well as others in the class to remember and learn what was discussed that week.

For our first week we discussed research and the importance of creditability and the sources in which the research was obtained. We were asked to research good and bad trends regarding the family. There were many opinions that would lead one to believe that the research they provided are legit. We went on to talk about the trends concerning family and marriage and the effects they are having. The number of divorces, out of wedlock births, live-in's and many other stats that are very disturbing.
This research to me re-enforces the truths that are taught by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. If we will follow what we are asked to do, and live by the council of our prophets and scriptures, our life on this earth can be so much more enjoyable and peaceful!

My Family

I love these guys!

Getting Started!

Just testing this blogging stuff out!